Short Review: Attack The Gas Station!

Premise: Four friends with troubled pasts rob a gas station. A little bit later, just out of pure boredom, they decide to rob it again. But since the station only has a little money, they decide to take everyone hostage and run the gas station themselves and rip off the customers... which just continues to escalate, and nobody (including the cops) is ever the wiser.

Starring: Sung-jae Lee, Oh-seong Yu, Seong-jin Kang, Ji-tae Yu, Yeong-gyu Park, Jun Jeong, and Yu-won Lee. 

My Reaction: I'm always on the lookout for a good heist movie. With a high score on imdb and a great premise, this one was promising. And "promising" is about where it stays. I have a feeling that the movie is primarily for South Korean audiences, and some things were missing in translation. There were some fun or funny bits, but they were too few and far between. I didn't care for any of the characters. The movie is entirely too long (about the 45 minute mark, I thought it had to be about over. But there was still over an hour to go). The movie is often slapstick, and sometimes just strange, though mostly unrealistic. Though the acting is good, and it has a good climax. There are bits of the story that I would have liked to see delved into more, but which weren't. I honestly believe (and I felt this way while watching the movie) that, if handled right, with just the right things cut/changed/added, it would make a good American remake. As it is, the movie has a good stylistic eye, but there aren't enough "that's cool" moments to win the style over substance fight. It should have been more thrilling in the suspense moments. It should have been funnier in the comedy moments (though that's probably where a lot of the 'lost in translation' comes in). But for the most part, it just feel a bit too muddled and overlong. It's not a bad movie by any means. I just don't think it lived up to its promise, or the bits of inspiration it showed at times during the film.

Stop Saying Okay! Okay.

Short Review: The Protector.

Premise: After an elephant is stolen, a fighter/protector must travel to Australia to retrieve it and fight anybody who gets in his way (including a very Cruella Deville-type villain).

Starring: Tony Jaa.

My Reaction: This movie is beyond ridiculous. Looking at that premise, you have to think "Is this a parody/comedy?" But it isn't. It takes itself very seriously. The worst part about the movie was its awful editing. It would jump from one thing to the next without any transition. And then even within scenes, it bounced around. It was so distracting and terrible. I've never seen a worse editing job in a movie. And then you have the weird subbing/dubbing issue. A third of the time, characters are speaking their natural language and the movie is subtitled. Fine. Another third of the time, you have white characters speaking English as per usual. Also fine. But then the other third of the time, you have the Thai characters speaking English, but their voices have been dubbed over. And not that they were speaking English and they just got a different voice. But you can clearly tell they were speaking their native tongue and somebody dubbed over in English. It's so freaking weird, mostly because the movie already relies on subtitles and also already has English-speaking actors, so to dub over others is mind boggling. Now, I've also seen Tony Jaa's Ong-Bak, which I felt was also disappointing, but not to this degree. Though it had a lot of technical issues as well. But the two share one thing in common: they both have some pretty great action. And that's the only thing that helps it. Does it save it? No. The editing is too awful for even the action to save it. If it weren't for the editing, I could have looked at it like a really crappy B-action movie with a ridiculous story and bad dubbing/subbing issues. But I can't. I fell asleep about halfway through and didn't care enough to finish it this morning before sending it back to Netflix. And I should have figured as much when the credits start and I see "Quentin Tarantino Presents..." Outside of maybe Jet Li's Hero, any movie he "presents" is awful. If you were gonna watch this movie for anything, it would be the action. Otherwise, just... skip it.

The Zed Word

Short Review: Yes Man.

Premise: An overly negative and lonely man who says No to everything is talked into going to a seminar where he makes a pact to instead say Yes to every option given to him... or else bad things might happen. And if he does, his life will immediately turn around for the better.

Starring: Jim Carrey, Zooey Deschanel, Bradley Cooper, Rhys Darby, Danny Masterson, and Terence Stamp.

My Reaction: It's not laugh-out-loud comedy, but it's more of a feel-good comedy. Sometimes the situations make Jim Carrey act like... well... Jim Carrey, which is a bit over-the-top for the character. Otherwise, the acting was decent. The only major thing that bugged me was how every little thing he says "yes" to comes back with some higher purpose (for better or for worse). It turns the whole first half of the movie into a Chekov's Gun: "Oh, I wonder how that's gonna come back later?" Nevertheless, I liked the characters and the situations, and I even sympathized with Carrey's character a bit (though not in the aggressive ways he took with his "no"s). Though I particularly liked Rhys Darby's character of Norman, but probably only because he threw a Harry Potter costume party. Overall, an entertaining movie.


I Am McLovin!

Short Review: Following.

Premise: A tri-split narrative tells the story of a young man who likes to follow people who meets another guy who likes to burgle homes just to see how people really are... and the blonde woman between them.

Starring: Jeremy Theobald, Alex Haw, and Lucy Russell.

My Reaction: This was Christopher Nolan's first feature-length film. It's really low budget and black-and-white. It's about the same budget as Kevin Smith's Clerks., though the black-and-white is much darker here. The acting and dialogue is excellent. The movie is very reminiscent of Memento, though to me, not as good. Though this is also the kind of movie one would have to watch more than once to grasp completely. Early on (like, the first 20-30 minutes), I was horribly confused as to what the heck was going on. I think it was mostly due to not realizing at first the split narrative was the same story at different points in time (which was mostly due to not recognizing the main actor's face once he's cleaned up a bit). The split narrative works much better in Memento, mostly because this use of it seems a bit forced. It's just the one story told parallel to each other from different points in time (though the DVD does have the option of watching it chronologically). The movie is barely over an hour long, so taking half the movie to get used to what's going on is too much. However, all that being said, the ending is freaking fantastic. That's pretty much the only reason I gave the movie as high of a score as I did (based solely on a single viewing). It was tough to score already, but the ending was so great, I'm not sure why it isn't talked about more (especially with Nolan's rising popularity). It's not exactly a heist film, but it's a conman film, which follows similar territories... kinda like Lucky Number Slevin. If you're a fan of Memento, I really recommend it, although it's much slower in pace.


A Keanu 'Whoa'

Short Review: Paul Blart: Mall Cop.

Premise: A loser mall cop tries to get a girlfriend, but in the process ends up having to save the mall from a major heist on Black Friday.

Starring: Kevin James, Keir O'Donnell, and Jayma Mays.

My Reaction: When I first saw trailers for this, I thought it was going to be bad. It looked pretty awful to me. Now, I like Kevin James. His "Sweat the Small Stuff" stand-up special is hilarious. But even he didn't look like he could save this movie. Therefore, I skipped it in theater. But then I wondered if I had thought incorrectly, seeing it was getting some good reviews and staying #1 at the box office for so long (but then again, so did Beverly Hills Chihuahua... the box office part, anyway). But I Netflix'd it to check it out. I went in with an open mind. 5 minutes in, I'm like "Okay, this is painfully unfunny." 10 minutes in, I'm like "Okay, this is still painfully unfunny." 20 minutes in, I'm like "Maybe it's one of those comedies that waits for its premise to start before it gets, you know, good." By the time the premise (heist) actually starts--at 45 minutes in--I'm dying from non-laughter. Granted, the action/suspense aspect did amp it up a bit, but the film was still painfully unfunny. I was actually super surprised when I actually laughed at one bit... the only laugh in the whole movie (when he attempts to break down the door to the card/Hallmark store the first time). The movie wasn't fully incompetant, though. I thought there was a major plot hole in how the bad guys were going to manage to logically escape, but it actually worked in an decent explanation. Granted, it came out of f**king nowhere and didn't make any sense, but it was there. So, long story short--painfully unfunny throughout, decent 'family comedy-level' action, horrible acting, no chemistry for the 'girlfriend' sub-plot, poor script, though bizarrely (very) mildly entertaining (mostly due to the second half of the film). Epic fail on a comedy level, though.


The Zed Word

(P.S. While watching the movie, I planned on giving it a 'Feed Me', but while writing the review, I decided to lower it. Though I'd say if there's a level between the two, this would fit there. It's not unwatchable, but I wouldn't go out of my way to see it again... maybe if it's on TV and I'm super bored and there's nothing else on... and it's already into the second half of the movie, because at least that part has Free Runners, which everyone knows are cool).

(P.P.S. Though... does anybody else really want a Segue after watching this movie?).

Short Review: Once.

Premise: A loser who lives with his dad above a vacuum cleaner repair shop and writes songs of woe for his lost girlfriend meets a Czech immigrant. They fall in love as they sing and record songs together.

Starring: Glen Hansgard and Marketa Irglova.

My Reaction: Above average (and sometimes even beautiful) songs. The movie was very documentary-esque in its filming style, adding to more of a realism. But I'm lost as to how people call this a feel-good movie. I thought the movie was so beyond depressing that even Hot Topic emo kids would be like 'get the eff over it already'. All the songs made me want to cut myself or something. There's even a scene where everybody is having fun, throwing a frisbee on the beach, and one of the songs is playing over it, and the scene is thus made sad and depressing. The movie is basically Lost in Translation as a musical, while replacing Bill Murray and Scarlett Johansson with unknowns. Seriously, I saw so many parallels it was ridiculous. Both characters are in other pseudo-relationships that they want to make work, yet they fall in love with each other by hanging out around town. There's even a part where one of them tells the other something, and the audience (unless you speak Czech) has no idea what they said. Also, I actually had to watch this movie with subtitles. The movie was in English, and I needed subtitles. I could hardly understand a word that was said in this movie (mostly from the female lead, though). It also drags a bit (probably because it takes itself too seriously)--the movie isn't even 90 minutes, and by the time it was over, I felt I'd been watching for two hours. Overall a beautiful movie, but probably not one I'd watch again. Though I might listen to the main song of the film (the one that won the Oscar), as that's a very good song and did deserve that Oscar.


I Am McLovin!

Short Review: My Neighbor Totoro.

Premise: When a dad and his two daughters move to a country home to be closer to their hospitalized wife/mother, the girls begin to notice a few fantastical things in their midst. At the top of that list is a giant furry creature that the youngest daughter dubs Totoro (a troll).

Starring: It really depends on which version you see (different voice actors). The biggest names for the newest English translation are Dakota and Elle Fanning.

My Reaction: Yet another beautiful Miyazaki film. After losing some faith with Nausicaa, he pulled me back in with Totoro. The beginning is a bit slow, though you steadily realize it's more of a character/relationship piece than a fantasy piece. Totoro is in the whole movie about 4 times. I particularly liked the relationship between Satsuki and Kanta, though there wasn't a huge payoff at the end, which was disappointing. Overall, it's a beautiful film (in artistry and story), and probably one of my favorite Miyazaki films (though Spiritied Away still carries that title). Oh, and how cool are the parents (especially the dad) in this movie? He totally went with everything his daughters said without any doubt.


A Keanu 'Whoa'

Short Review: Southland Tales.

Premise: Who the hell knows?

Starring: Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Seann William Scott, Justin Timberlake, (that guy) Curtis Armstrong, Nora Dunn, (that gal) Beth Grant, Christopher Lambert, John Larroquette, Bai Ling, Jon Lovitz, Mandy Moore, Cheri Oteri, Amy Poehler, Miranda Richardson, Wallace Shawn, Zelda Rubinstein, Kevin Smith, Eli Roth, Janeane Garofalo... who the hell isn't in this damn movie?

My Reaction: I don't think I've ever seen a movie that I've felt is simultaneously crap and genius... until now. The story is convoluted and hardly makes a lick of sense. The acting is (purposefully?) cheesy and horrible. Every 5 seconds you see a new actor or actress that you recognize, cameo or not. But this is also a movie that made me both want to turn it off and keep watching with endless intrigue (that, and I was waiting for Wallace Shawn to go "Inconceivable!" or "never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!"). I never knew what was going on, but I never really felt lost. I guess because I'm decently versed in the Book of Revelation, so I was sitting there trying to figure out who was supposed to represent who the whole time (and I didn't know this was an allegory prior to watching, either... if you can call it that). Not to mention the movie was full of bible references, literary references, and musical references. By the time it got to the Zeppelin scenes at the end, I just couldn't look away. The movie is like a Jackson Pollock painting. It's a total mess and is utter crap... but deep down inside, you know it's a work of freakin' genius. As such... I cannot give it a rightful rating. So there are my thoughts. Think of them as you will.

Short Review: Fletch.

Premise: Irwin "Fletch" Fletcher is an investigative reporter who stumbles across a much bigger story than expected when a rich man asks Fletch to kill him.

Starring: Chevy Chase, Tim Matheson, George Wendt, and Geena Davis.

My Reaction: I was worried during the first 3-4 minutes after the opening credits, as it came off as incredibly bad acting... but then it got better. The script is fun and witty. I imagine it takes many viewings to really get everything, as the character of Fletch is so fast with his wit that it's hard to keep up sometimes. The movie is genuinely funny and entertaining. I also enjoyed the music, as it was straight 80s. But it fit. It didn't feel dated to me or anything. The story, at least upon initial viewing, is slightly convoluted with all the intricacies of the crime. It took me a few minutes to really figure out how everything was linked together. Though the ending does well enough explaining it. Not too much to say about it. I didn't care too much for the voice-over, though it kinda pays off with the last line. But it's a fun little film, and I'd like to see it again purely for Fletch's quick wit and all the random one-liners. As a side-note, Chevy Chase reminded me heavily of Tim Blake Nelson during the airplane mechanic scene. I think that's all I have to say.


A Keanu 'Whoa'

(P.S. I had a really hard time choosing between this rating and 'McLovin'. I decided to go with this one because I did think it was awesome).

Short Review: The Diving Bell And The Butterfly.

Premise: After a man has a terrible stroke, he becomes fully paralyzed, except for his eyes (one of which is immediately sewn shut). So after a bout of self-pity, he decides to do something productive and write a book using a method of blinking while a scribe goes through the alphabet (in order of most commonly used letters).

Starring: Mathieu Amalric, Emmanuelle Seigner, Marie-Josee Croze, Anne Cosigny, Max von Sydow, and Isaach De Bankole.

My Reaction: Not much to say. I've wanted to see it since it first came out, and I've even had it on my Netflix for months, though I kept pushing it back in favor of other things. But this movie is beautiful... in every way. Though I kept thinking that the main guy looked like what would happen if you merged John Francis Daley with Robert Downey Jr. My only real negative comment is that all the women confused me. They all looked similar, and you didn't often hear their names put to their faces... so I was never sure who was who. But that's only a small issue in the scope of the film. Absolutely brilliant and beautiful.


Royale With Cheese

Short Review: Nick And Norah's Infinite Playlist.

Premise: After his girlfriend dumps him, Nick goes out with his mostly gay punk rock band for a show. There, he meets Norah, who, in an attempt to prove to Nick's ex that she does indeed have a boyfriend, unwittingly asks Nick to be her boyfriend for five minutes (not realizing who he is at the time). This all ends up leading to a night in New York chasing after Norah's drunken best friend who got away from Nick's friends that were supposed to take care of her, as well as trying to find the secret and ever-elusive band "Where's Fluffy?".

Starring: Michael Cera, Kat Dennings, Ari Graynor, Alexis Dziena, Aaron Yoo, Rafi Gavron, Jonathan Wright, and Jay Baruchel.

My Reaction: How can a movie with such a great cast of mostly underrated actors go wrong? I'm still trying to figure that out, actually. Like I said, the cast is brilliant, including a couple fun cameos from John Cho and Kevin Corrigan, so the acting chops are there. The charisma and chemistry are abound. I'm in love with Kat Dennings, though Alexis Dziena reminded me way too much of Miley Cyrus in this movie for my liking. And Rafi Gavron reminded me of a buffer Anton Yelchin, and without the annoying voice. And I always love Aaron Yoo. There's nothing really wrong with the story either (and it has some great metaphors). The music is okay, but nothing to come home screaming about... though that might not be a good thing in a movie that strongly relies on music, as shown via its own title. There just wasn't anything about the movie that blew my shirt up, so to speak. There were some good moment, some disgusting moments, and even some great moments (I particularly thought the last 15 or so minutes of the movie was the best, starting at the recording studio up through to the end). Otherwise, it was just... alright. Kat Denning's puppet show version of the film on the DVD extras, however... freakin' awesome.


I Am McLovin!

(P.S. I'm starting to wonder if Judd Apatow is like the American Harry Potter. It's like every comedy/dramedy these days has at least 2-3 actors that have been in at least one of his films).

Short Review: Run Lola Run.

Premise: After her boyfriend loses 100,000 Francs to a hobo, Lola has 20 minutes to figure out how to get that much money and get it to her boyfriend before he either does something stupid or dies by the hands of the man he owes it to.

Starring: Franka Potente and Moritz Bliebtreu.

My Reaction: Like Amelie, everything that might normally work against a movie works together here. I loved the title sequence and the opening credits. I loved the chaos of everything. I loved the acting. I loved the animated bits. I loved snapshots of the future. I loved the 'red flashbacks'. I loved the deep moments of extreme heart that were interspersed throughout an otherwise hectic film. I loved the '3 scenarios' device, especially how, at times, they all seemed to actually be connected somehow. I loved the simple complexity of the story versus how it was told. I loved the camera work and the editing. I loved the music. I loved watching a woman run for the majority of the movie and rarely actually looking at her face. In short, I hated this movie. (...or not...).


Royale With Cheese

Short Review: Hamlet 2.

Premise: In an effort to save his department from being removed from the system, drama teacher Dana Marschz hopes to inspire his new 'ethnic' class and everybody else by putting on a controversial sequel to Hamlet.

Starring: Steve Coogan, Catherine Keener, David Arquette, and Elizabeth Shue.

My Reaction: I liked how it tried to parody inspirational teacher movies, as I love those. However, it often tried way too hard. I laughed maybe two or three times in the whole movie. The rest was just way too silly or over-the-top. The best acting (and character) was from Joseph Julian Soria, the main "troublemaker" kid. The movie wasn't bad. I just wasn't blown away by it. The best part, of course, was "Rock Me Sexy Jesus," but that scene had been advertised and played up so much that its comedic effect had worn off by the time I actually saw the film. Alas, the issues of using your best jokes to sell a comedy.


Stop Saying Okay! Okay.

Short Review: The Talented Mr. Ripley.

Premise: Closet homosexual and sociopath Tom Ripley gets a little too attached to a millionaire's son in Italy, leading to dangerous consequences.

Starring: Matt Damon, Jude Law, Gwyneth Paltrow, Cate Blanchett, and Philip Seymour Hoffman.

My Reaction: Stunning acting. Great writing. Astonishing camera work. Brilliant symbolic cinematography. However, a bit on the long side and dragged a bit in the first hour, as well as toward the end. But it had a great, powerful ending.


A Keanu 'Whoa'

Short Review: Resident Evil: Degeneration.

Premise: Claire Redfield and Leon S. Kennedy get caught up in another T-Virus attack.

Starring: The voices of Alyson Court, Paul Mercier, Laura Bailey, and Crispin Freeman.

My Reaction: The CGI animation was terrible and distracting (I’ve really seen better CGI in video games), especially Claire’s face. The voice acting was awful. The dubbing itself was way off the mark (again, distracting). The dialogue was overly melodramatic and cheesy. For being one of the fan-favorite characters, Leon has the personality of cardboard (or Hayden Christensen… not much of a difference). The Tyrant looked like bad Claymation. For a zombie/monster movie, there was very little blood. Hell, TV’s CSI has more blood. While it did share the atmosphere of the games, even the action was mostly boring (with a couple exceptions). The whole movie as a whole was rather boring. And if you’re not a hardcore fan of the games, you’d probably get completely lost by the story. Finally, where the hell did that woman’s boobs come from at the end? All of a sudden, she has a D-Cup. It was so random. Anyway, it was just awful/terrible/awfully terrible/terribly awful all around. There were only a couple scenes that made it remotely interesting or entertaining, and those didn’t last very long.

The Zed Word

(P.S. And I'm being quite generous with this (rather ironic) scoring).

Short Review: Snatch.

I finally got around to watching this. I was confused as hell. So I gave it a second chance before reviewing it. Here we are.

-----------

Premise: A bunch of random people are all randomly connected to a diamond heist.

Starring: Benicio Del Toro, Dennis Farina, Vinnie Jones, Jason Statham, and Brad Pitt (among a bunch of others).

My Reaction: The beginning montage bit was, and still is, incredibly, mind-bogglingly confusing. To the point it messes with me for the remainder of the movie. The acting was brilliant all around. The editing style was brilliant, as well. I particularly liked the juxtaposition of the Coursing with the chasing/questioning of the one thug guy, as well as the slow motion fall into the dream-water during the boxing match and that whole little segment. I also really liked the ending, though it utterly confused me the first time around (mostly due to being linked with the incredibly confusing opening). I wanted to like this more, but the more I think about it and try to connect everybody/everything, the more my brain hurts. Too much interconnected randomness going on all at the same time. But for some odd reason, I still liked it.

I Am McLovin!

Short Review: Man On Wire.

Premise: A documentary about the true story of the man who (illegally) tightrope walked a wire between the World Trade Center buildings.

Starring: Philippe Petit.

My Reaction: It’s been listed as one of the best films of this past year. All I can give are random thoughts: I loved Philippe’s narration. He was so descriptive and poetic and vibrant in his speech that it was just fun to listen to him. I loved how the whole thing felt like a heist film, but there was never any heist (they actually say this in the doc, as well). I thought it was interesting how they did the back-and-forth timeline (showing how it was going with the stunt, then popping back in time to show how they got to that point), even if it got confusing sometimes. And though the movie sometimes felt like it was dragging a bit, it was truly a great and inspirational piece. I also enjoyed how they did the dramatic re-inaction of all the past events, so that the film was so much more ‘show’ than ‘tell’. And besides Philippe looking like Colin Mochrie (with hair) and Jim Moore looking like John McCain… that’s about all I have.

A Keanu 'Whoa'

(P.S. And that's a very strong 'whoa')

Short Review: Before The Devil Knows You're Dead.

Premise: Two brothers plan a bank heist on their parents’ jewelry store. It was the perfect set up. Everything went wrong.

Starring: Philip Seymour Hoffman, Ethan Hawke, Albert Finney, and Marisa Tomei

My Reaction: This has to be one of the single most depressing movies I’ve ever seen in my life. This movie is the epitome of a modern Greek tragedy (Hell, maybe that’s what it was going for). Heist films are supposed to be fun, even when they go bad (Reservoir Dogs or Dog Day Afternoon, the latter of which shares the same director as this film). I’m almost speechless at what to say about the film besides 'great acting'. I can’t score this film. Let me just say one thing: the movie literally opens with Philip Seymour Hoffman going doggy style on Marisa Tomei. ‘Nuff said.

Short Review: Nightwatch.

Premise: A law student takes a job as a night guard at a morgue, and he starts to notice odd things happening. Meanwhile, a serial killer continues his streak of murder.

Starring: Ewan McGregor, Nick Nolte, Josh Brolin, Patricia Arquette, Lauren Graham, and John C. Reilly.

My Reaction: How can a movie with such a cast be so… bland? The first half is pretty good with some decent suspense/spookiness, but if you’ve had any experience with any thriller ever, you know that the person being set up as the killer is so freaking obvious it can’t be him, which takes away all the mystery (because you then know who it has to be). And because of that, along with the second half of the movie, everything turns into a venture into the non-logical and plot holes. I would rate it pretty average, and I can’t understand how it has such an above-average score on imdb. And I only rate it as high as I do because of some pretty entertaining scenes early on, some particularly creepy moments, and some good acting from Josh Brolin in particular.

Stop Saying Okay! Okay.

Short Review: Blood & Chocolate.

Premise: A female werewolf in Bucharest falls for an American graphic novel artist. However, the leader of the pack also has a thing for her, and doesn’t like that she wants somebody else.

Starring: Agnes Bruckner, Hugh Dancy, Olivier Martinez, Bryan Dick.

My Reaction: The acting wasn’t terrible. The story wasn’t terrible, though starting to get very old and overused now (think Twilight, but primarily with werewolves instead of vampires… yes, I know there are werewolves in Twilight, but that’s why I said primarily. So in other words, it’s much more animalistic than flowy/showy/pretty). The romance could have been more believable, though. The special effects were very basic. The werewolves themselves were simply wolves (like… real wolves). So no costumes, (blatant) animatronics, or CGI was needed, though the transformation special effects were cheesy. Some decent suspense, too. All in all, not a good movie… not a terrible movie.

Stop Saying Okay! Okay.