MONSTERS VS. ALIENS (3D).

With all of the mixed reviews on practically every aspect of this movie, I wasn’t sure what to expect. Susan Murphy (Reese Witherspoon) is about to get married to her dream man, a weatherman named Derek (Paul Rudd). But when a meteorite crashes nearby, the special energy hits Susan and turns her into a giant. Enter a special U.S. government agency led by General W.R. Monger (Keifer Sutherland), who has secretly been collecting monsters over the years and keeping them in a hidden facility. The other monsters in the facility include a gelatinous blob named B.O.B. (Seth Rogen), a mad scientist cockroach-man named Dr. Cockroach Ph.D. (Hugh Laurie), a testosterone-filled fish-man named The Missing Link (Will Arnet), and a giant mutated insect named Insectasaurus. But when an evil alien named Gallaxhar (Rainn Wilson) wants the energy from Susan, he starts a war on Earth that forces General Monger to suggest to President Hathaway (Stephen Colbert) to use the monsters to help win.

It’s a relatively straight-forward plot, but nobody is going to see a movie entitled Monsters Vs. Aliens to experience a narrative masterpiece. The biggest complain for the film is that it takes too long for anything to happen. It does, indeed, take about 30 minutes before the alien part of the story is even introduced. But that doesn’t mean everything else in that 30 minutes is bad. God forbid a movie try to set up its characters and give them even the smallest bit of depth. I never once looked at my watch through the entire movie. The movie was very entertaining from beginning to end.

While all of the characters were fun in their own way, I agree with most others and say that Seth Rogen’s B.O.B. was the heart of the film. He stole every scene he was in, which was most of the ones that didn’t focus on Susan’s personal life. But B.O.B. was just straight-up hilarious. I’ve never been a big fan of Seth Rogen’s laugh (I find it kinda annoying, really), but for whatever reason, it really worked for this character. To see B.O.B. launched into the sky and hear Seth Rogen’s laugh was just hysterical to me.

The least intriguing character was Will Arnet’s The Missing Link. He wasn’t a bad character. He just wasn’t nearly as interesting as the others. I loved General W.R. Monger (who doesn’t even sound like Keifer Sutherland) and Stephen Colbert’s President Hathaway, as well. As you also might have noticed, the movie is full of incredible voice actors. Much like in Kung Fu Panda where almost every character was voiced by a known actor (either in television or movies), Monsters Vs. Aliens even gave little roles to big names. Jeffrey Tambor, Renee Zellweger, John Krasinski, and Amy Poehler also share voices in this film. I don’t even know who the character was that Renee Zellweger voiced. That’s how small it must have been.

Also, whereas Kung Fu Panda was played homage to wuxia films, Monsters Vs. Aliens is a large homage to old B-horror movies and sci-fi in general. There are references from Third Encounters to Spaceballs. And then there are other homages to films like Dr. Strangelove and Beverly Hills Cop, but they’re fun anyway. If you know your film, you’ll see references all over the place. And I think that’s where a lot of people fail to grasp this movie, it seems. This is the kind of movie that falls into categories with Shaun of the Dead (though not quite as genius). They’re parody, but at the same time they pay respects to the films they’re poking fun at.

The humor in the film is somewhere between Kung Fu Panda and Shrek. It’s mostly kid-friendly, a bit of slapstick, and a couple adult jokes just for fun. My personal favorite of the adult jokes (which I was waiting for, though I can’t believe they actually used) was in General Monger’s description of Susan’s new giant form and how she’s gotten bigger while his hands are out in front of his chest (which he then notices and drops down).

On the side of the visuals, the movie was very fun to look at. I saw the film in 3D, and it was honestly one of my favorite 3D experiences thus far out of all the 3D films I’ve watched lately. All of the others that have come out recently haven’t seemed to use the gimmick to its full potential, but I finally believe they made a movie that damn near did. This really is a movie that needs to be seen in 3D, and I honestly couldn’t imagine watching it any other way.

If I had any complaints, it would be that I would have liked more character development between Susan and the monsters. Most reviews I’ve read said they just wanted to get to the alien stuff. But I thought the movie could have used at least some kind of montage (yes, a montage) to show Susan becoming friendlier with the other monsters. As it is, it goes from Susan being freaked out about where she is to it being a month later and her being best friends with everybody. In between is the alien introduction, but I think there should have been something else to show that span of time between Susan and the other monsters.

Otherwise, I really enjoyed the film. It was funny, especially B.O.B., and I did laugh out loud quite a few times. It was great to look at in its 3D form (though I figure it’d be good to look at in any form… I’d just prefer the 3D). The story isn’t anything epic, but all the movie homages are cool. I thought it was great fun, and I’d totally see it again.

A Keanu 'Whoa'

Short Review: Run Lola Run.

Premise: After her boyfriend loses 100,000 Francs to a hobo, Lola has 20 minutes to figure out how to get that much money and get it to her boyfriend before he either does something stupid or dies by the hands of the man he owes it to.

Starring: Franka Potente and Moritz Bliebtreu.

My Reaction: Like Amelie, everything that might normally work against a movie works together here. I loved the title sequence and the opening credits. I loved the chaos of everything. I loved the acting. I loved the animated bits. I loved snapshots of the future. I loved the 'red flashbacks'. I loved the deep moments of extreme heart that were interspersed throughout an otherwise hectic film. I loved the '3 scenarios' device, especially how, at times, they all seemed to actually be connected somehow. I loved the simple complexity of the story versus how it was told. I loved the camera work and the editing. I loved the music. I loved watching a woman run for the majority of the movie and rarely actually looking at her face. In short, I hated this movie. (...or not...).


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WTF Did I Just Watch: Casshern.

Warning: This post has been rated R by the... aw, who the fuck cares. There's cussing.

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I found another movie that lands in a WTF moment for me, so I'm basically going to make this a feature review for whenever I watch a movie on TV or DVD that made me go "What The Fuck Did I Just Watch?" This time around it's a little Japanese sci-fi/action/superhero/drama... thing.

Okay, so I've read up quite a bit on this movie (I had to... I honestly had less of a clue what I just watched than I did with Feast 3). And there, I saw a lot of opinions on this film. For those that love it, they tend to fall somewhere between "It took me 3 or 4 times, but I now think it's a masterpiece" and "If you don't understanding this movie, you're a fucking moron who likes Transformers and should stick to Hollywood crap because I'm condescending and stuff." But it seemed that no matter where you fell in your thoughts of this film, whether you loathed it or thought it was the best thing since sliced bread (seriously, shouldn't there have been another 'best thing' by now?), there was one major thing that everybody agreed on:

This movie is confusing as fuck.

Let me try to explain it. It's like mixing together 300, Speed Racer, The Matrix, The Guyver, Hellboy II: The Golden Army, Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, The Spirit (if it took itself incredibly seriously), Dante from the Devil May Cry video game series, and, well, a bunch of other random shit that shouldn't go together. It's a futuristic story wherein a 50-year war has just recently ended, but there's another mini-war going on. So this scientist's son goes into the war while the scientist tries to come up with this stuff that can build new limbs and organs and whatnot so to defeat death. Well, the son dies in the war. But upon coming back, a lightning bolt strikes the building and brings all the detached limbs and whatnot together, creating these undead mutant people (not zombies... just... Frankenstein-type people, but without all the scars... and who look normal). The scientist also uses it to bring his son back to life. But the liquid stuff that brings him back makes his body unstable, so a scientist friend puts him in a weapon suit that can keep him together (think a less shiny and less metalic Iron Man, but where he can't take the suit off).

But then the mutant people escape and the government starts shooting them down. But a group escapes and heads out into a forest... and then snow... and then end up at a castle from nowhere. There are only like... 4 left by then. So they suddenly gather the ability to start talking (except for one of them), lose their pasty whiteness, and look more normal. They dub themselves "neo-sapiens." Oh, and in this castle is the sleeping robot army that nearly destroyed humans during the 50-year war. So the neo-sapiens awaken them and use them to destroy humankind because, well, humans suck and shot at them and stuff.

But not if Iron Man Jr. has anything to say about it! And there's also some corporation takeovers, a bunch of kidnapping, and a crapload of other random stuff in the movie.

So in other words, the plot makes absolutely no sense, but it's some of the most gorgeous eye candy that I've seen in a long. Seriously, this movie is beyond stunning on the visuals level. It's really to the point where I hate talking bad about it because it looked so good. But eye candy does not a movie make.

But everything else about the movie is a mess. It tries to do way too much. The plot implodes on itself so often that it constantly needs a Deus Ex Machina to revive itself (and I partly mean this literally, too... I think. There's a god (sort of) AND there are machines. And by machines, I mean a giant robot army). The script needed a lot more work before coming to the screen. It could have handled a lot of things differently. It was trying to work with too many themes. It was trying to have too many little side stories. And all of the "Neo-Sapien" journey to the Castle Deus Ex Machina stuff happens too quickly. In the span of about 10-15 minutes, the Neo-Sapiens go from being born to traveling what seems halfway across the world and awakening a robot army to destroy humans because, in this limited time, they have seen how cruel humans are because they were "hunted down" and "killed" (like it had been going on for centuries or something).

There are little scenes, too, that just seem out of place or make no sense. And don't get me started on the couple random 'stop motion' moments. I can't even go into detail on this movie because too much happens while almost nothing happens simultaneously. The only reason I didn't just turn it off was because every time I thought I was about to, something dramatic or action-packed started up.

And that's another thing. The action wasn't all that hot, either. It was done in too much of a stylistic and over-the-top cartoonish way for it to be too effective. This was the only real negative aspect that came from the visual style of the film.

However, I was glad that I did stick it out, because there is (honestly) a decent twist ending. No, it doesn't make the rest of the film make a lick of fucking sense, but it does tie together a few things. But then once that happens, it's like the movie never wants to end. Nobody will stay fucking dead in this movie. I swear, each character dies at least once and refuses to stay dead. There was a moment where both the main character and the main bad guy (who looks exactly like Dante from the Devil May Cry games... hence what I said earlier) seem to have killed each other (about halfway through the movie). I was like "Oh, good, it's over... I can turn it off." But it just kept going. And the next thing I know, both of them are walking around like nothing happened. In fact, there's quite a funny moment (unintentional, I'm sure), where the main guy is on the ground, limp and dead-ish. Then the bad guy calls his name and asks him to come over for a second, so the main guy pokes up his head and hops up and strolls over. It was one of those moments where it felt like the actor just played this serious death scene, and then the scene ends and he just stands up and walks across the stage as if nothing had happened (covered in blood be damned).

And once everybody is (un)dead, there's this big lightning strike and people are transported across the universe to some new alien planet so that they can star in their very own happy home video footage where everybody is just peachy and war-free. The end.

Anyway, I don't want to ramble on too much about this movie. I can see myself falling into the group that likes it after seeing it 3-4 times, but I honestly don't care to waste that many hours (it's a, quite long, 2 hour movie) re-watching it to get to that point. Because overall, the movie is amazing to look at, but so beyond frustrating to follow plot-wise. I eventually gave up trying to understand what the fuck was ever going on and just watched it in hopes that the ending might be good (and it was, to a degree... and not just because it finally ended).

But as I said earlier, you might have the best visuals this side of Tokyo, but if you can't tell a story worth a damn, they won't help you. And this movie doesn't know how to tell a story very well. So... WTF.

(P.S. When I mentioned Speed Racer earlier, I meant it both in visual style and literally. There are a few close-ups to a Speed Racer-like helmet that acts as an homage to the original creator of the anime this movie was based on, who was the same guy who created Speed Racer... if I got my research right, anyway).

DVD Review: Let The Right One In.

I want to prelude by saying this movie has been a long time coming for me. There’s a whole story to go with how I saw part of this movie a while back but didn’t get to finish it and whatnot, but I won’t get into that whole complicated mess. So instead, I just get to read about how this is a modern masterpiece, the best film of last year, and had one of the greatest endings to a film in quite some time. So with almost every review building it up and my own anticipation over the last few months building it up, I finally got to watch it on DVD. Needless to say, after all the hype around it… I was damn near under-whelmed. But before you grab the pitchforks and torches, let me give my review.

Let The Right One In is an almost by-definition “slow burn” film. If you’re not aware of what that is, a “slow burn” film is one that usually has thriller or horror aspects to it, but for the most part is about the characters and their interactions, making for quite a slow rise in tension. It builds all the way to the climax, giving you a couple short moments here or there, and then BAM, you have some kind of hardcore sequence at the end that you had been waiting for for the entire film. Another example of this type of movie is the Japanese film Audition. And as this is a Swedish film, you might catch the common denominator here: you don’t see these types of films very often as made in America.

But this film is about 12-year-old Oskar (Kare Hedebrant), a bullied child who dreams of vengeance and looks to be an up-and-coming school shooter. It’s also about Eli (Lina Leandersson), a vampire who looks to be 12 but is, in fact, much older. Eli has a helper named Hakan (Per Ragnar), as well. Oskar and Eli form a friendship, which the whole movie based upon. I don’t want to give much more than that away, because watching this film makes it seem like anything you say could be a spoiler.

There are other characters, too, but they really aren’t as important (so to speak), or as developed, as those main three. I’m really not too sure what to say about the film. It had great acting, of course. You really felt the pain from Oskar, and the uncertainty from Eli. The biggest compliment I can give is for the cinematography. The film is absolutely gorgeous to look at. If I had any major negatives for the movie as-is, it would be that I'd have liked to see more of Eli's past (as I've heard described in the book), which they were going to do in a flashback sequence, but cut it out because the director didn't want to slaughter a pig or something.

But what I loved the most about the film were the Eli moments. There are three moments I want to talk about specifically. First, of course, is the “invitation” explanation moment, where you find out what happens if a vampire enters a place without being invited in first. Second is an incredibly brief scene where if you blink, you’ll miss it. I actually had to rewind and watch it a couple times, just because I loved it so much. When Oskar takes Eli to the secret hangout place and it’s pitch black—you can hardly even see Eli’s face—if you pay close enough attention to Eli’s eyes right before Oskar turns on the lights, you’ll notice that they start to glow like they can see in the dark. It’s small attention to details like that which makes me love movies like this.

And then there was the third moment—the ending. Of course I’m not going to spoil it, but this is where I was under-whelmed the most. For months, all I heard was that this movie had one of the greatest endings to a movie ever. And then I finally see it, and I keep waiting, even after the climax, wondering if the awesome part is still coming like a major plot twist. And then the movie ends, and I’m going “Um… so where was that super awesome ultra ending of hardcore amazingness?” There’s no doubt that the climax was visually stunning. And I’m not blaming the movie for my let down, but the months of hype building it up before me finally seeing it. I think with much less hype around the ending, I might have enjoyed it so much more than I did. And I’d probably learn to love it more with future viewings.

However, as it stands now, the movie didn’t meet my expectations whatsoever. On the upside of this, though (and this is what I meant by waiting to grab the pitchforks and whatnot), my expectations were so high by the point of finally seeing the movie that I would have to have built on a new rating system had the movie actually met them. In other words, I had been expecting something like 20 stars out of 10 or something. So whereas it didn’t meet my expectations, my thoughts on the film were not bogged down to the point where I thought the film was bad. Instead, I felt the movie was merely ‘great’ instead of ‘stupendously outstanding orgasms'. Not to mention, it has a wicked awesome poster, and the Swedish title is freakin’ fun to say out loud. So with all of that being said, I can give my score.

Royale With Cheese

(P.S. Attention Stephenie Meyer - This is how you do vampires. That is all).

DVD Review: Amélie.

Following up Watchmen with Amélie is like hanging out with Mother Teresa after reading Mein Kampf. Amélie Poulain (Audrey Tautou) is a shy, introverted French girl. But after she accidentally finds a rusty old box filled with knickknacks, she goes on a mission to get it back to the boy that used to live in her apartment. But this spirals her into a new life of controlled extroversion, helping people out from the shadows. But then she starts to fall in love with one of the guys she wants to help, a young photo collector named Nino (Mathieu Kassovitz).

This is an incredibly difficult review to write, mostly because I can’t think of much negative to say. It does everything that might annoy your average movie-goer. It spends a good chunk of the beginning introducing every miniscule thing (likes/dislikes) about every character. It has voice-over narration that spoon-feeds you information. It has moments of sped-up, frantic footage for almost no reason. It breaks the fourth wall. It has subtitles.

But I’m not your average movie-goer. And even if I were, I think I’d still love this movie. Even though it does all of those things, it somehow does them all right (well, there’s really no right or wrong way to have subtitles—for the most part—but I like foreign films, so those didn’t bother me anyway). The voice-over narration makes the characters quirky and fun, as well as just makes the film itself even more entertaining in its randomness. Even in the first ten minutes, with almost no real speaking outside of the voice-over, I was already entranced by everything that was going on, already emotionally involved. When young Amélie’s fish is dumped into the river and stares up at her, I felt sad for them both (Amélie and the fish).

The acting was great, of course. And Audrey Tautou is gorgeous. One thing I did want to bring up about the actors was Jamel Debbouze as Lucien, the young man at the grocers who gets made fun of all the time. It took me about half the movie to realize he played the lead male character in Angel-A, another great and beautiful French film about celebrating life and love. The guy can really act.

If there were anything negative to say, it would be that the relationship between two of the characters is never resolved. They fight because of jealousy brought about by a misunderstood moment, but the movie never goes back to them. I don’t think it spoils the overall film, though.

The cinematography was beautifully done, as well. The color arrangements were eye-catching. If anything, the film is just great to watch with or without sound (or subtitles). And one thing that I felt about this film that I rarely feel about other films is that this movie is a work of art, but without being pompous. Most art films try way too hard and oftentimes fall short under the weight of their self-indulgence. But not this one. It’s fun, quirky, and beautifully shot. And that’s about all I can say about Amélie.

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WATCHMEN.

I’m sure a lot of you who have been here for a while know that I’m a pretty big Harry Potter fan. But I’m sure you’re asking “What does Harry Potter have to do with Watchmen?” I’m getting there. Let me try to say this in as succinct of a way as possible: I outta punch all you complaining Watchmen fanboys in your whiny, selfish, silly little faces.

Ahem.

Anyway. So Watchmen is about a bunch of things. During a time of an impending World War III, a man is murdered. His name is Edward Blake (Jeffrey Dean Morgan), also known as The Comedian. He’s a costumed hero. A powerless superhero, in other words. In fact, there are quite a few costumed heroes out there—or at least there were, before the Keene Act was put in place and made them illegal. Most are retired now, including Dan Dreiberg AKA Nite Owl II (Patrick Wilson), Laurie Jupiter AKA Silk Spectre II (Malin Akerman), and successful businessman Adrien Veidt AKA Ozymandias (Matthew Goode). But then there are two others on opposite ends of the spectrum. There’s deranged sociopath Rorschach (Jackie Earle Haley), an anti-hero out to figure out who killed The Comedian and why, as well as Jon Osterman AKA Dr. Manhattan (Billy Crudup), a God-like being who works with the United States to stay a superpower. But Rorschach thinks somebody is hunting down costumed heroes, and more evidence continues to pile up to help his case.

The story is actually much more complicated than that, too. There are love triangles. There are incredible themes of love, loss, death, and nihilism. The story is so thick and heavy, you can’t pick up everything on the first go-around. I read the graphic novel myself, and I have to say they did a damn good job adapting it.

This brings me back to my opening point. How dare some fanboys complain about this adaptation. This movie is damn near panel-for-panel of the graphic novel. There are some obvious things that were cut or removed for time purposes, but none of it was anything major. The biggest thing actually cut was the newsstand/Black Freighter stuff, but even that’s being released separately on DVD and being integrated back into the film for a Director’s Cut. But none of that is crucial to plot—only themes. As for the changed ending—it’s like I’ve said before, it’s so much better than the comic’s. The comic came out of nowhere with its ending, while it had been building up a perfectly logical ending that the movie actually went for instead. And I think the story was better for it. It makes perfect sense. It works. It changes absolutely nothing about the outcome. Why complain? Not to mention (and this made me the happiest) that the last frame of the graphic novel is in the movie! It had its perfect ending.

Not to mention there are so many other miniscule details from the comic in the film that you only have to keep an eye out for, even if they’re never mentioned specifically (Laurie’s snow globe, for instance?). There was an amazing attention to detail. The panels came straight to the screen. Hell, they even integrated the doomsday clock, which isn't even in the actual story itself in the comic.

The music has been another complaint (by fans and non-fans alike), but I didn’t find fault here, either. I thought the music used fit almost every scene. I think Hallelujah during the sex scene was witty, but I might have gone for maybe a smoother cover version of the song instead. That’s the only real music complaint I had.

As for the acting, I thought it was good all around, with maybe one exception. Malin Ackerman as Laurie got a bit cheesy and poorly acted at times, especially near the beginning. She got a little more bearable later on. But then again, the character was similar in the comic. The biggest shout out, though, goes to Jackie Earle Haley as Rorschach, who was freakin’ brilliant. They couldn’t have picked a better person for the role. He embodied the character fully and even brought emotion in his facial expressions (once you see his face) that layered the character even more than in the comic. He was perfect.

For visuals, I want to talk about CGI and action. To get the CGI out of the way first, Dr. Manhattan (blue penis and all) was done fantastically. In fact, the majority of the visual effects were done great. My only CGI problem was Veidt’s pet mutant cat, which, honestly, didn’t even need to be in the movie. That was just a wink for the fandom. As for the action, it was exciting. You really feel like you’re there with these people, pumping adrenaline, and beating the baddies. And it was stylish, though that’s to be expected from the guy who made 300. Overall, the entire movie was visually stunning on all fronts (except for maybe Richard Nixon and any of the aging prosthetics).

There really isn’t much more I want to say about the film. It was funny, sad, depressing, heart-breaking, action-packed, and faithful. It captured everything that the comic was, and it really is as close to a perfect adaptation of this previously declared unfilmable source material as anybody is ever going to get. And personally, I can’t wait to see the version that includes the Tales of the Black Freighter material put back in. And though I give it the following score, I’m not saying the film is perfect (it did have its faults). I’m just saying it’s pretty freakin’ close.

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Manic Movie Madness Spectacular Bam Wow!

NOTE: This post is in both the MOVIES and TV sections because of a mix of MST3K and regular movies.

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Also known as "I've been too lazy to write some reviews for a while, so now I've gotten to the point where I've seen a bunch of movies through Netflix but haven't gotten around to reviewing them because I'm lazy and now I'm getting redundant." But I thought that was a bit long. And redundant. So I figured I'd mesh them all together here in one very short, to-the-point review post. Okay, and so I only have three this time, but if I ever do this in the future, there will probably be more.

While I'm at it, I'll let you know of some other reviews I have planned to give in the future... a TV Review of all 3 seasons of Dexter, a 2 In 1 for Son of Rambow and Driving Lessons (the latter of which I've owned for a while, but thought it felt appropriate to pair with the former), and most probably a review of Amelie, which I'm finally going to be getting around to seeing. Anywho, let's get on to the reviews.


The Title: Mystery Science Theater 3000: Hobgoblins.

The Skinny: Funny in some parts. Only slightly humorous in others. Kept me entertained.

The Score:

I Am McLovin



The Title: My Name Is Bruce.
The Skinny: Great fun. Nice homages. Very cheesy/classic Bruce Campbell. Sometimes tries a bit too hard. For Bruce Campbell fans only.
The Score:

I Am McLovin



The Title: Mystery Science Theater 3000: "Manos" The Hands of Fate.

The Skinny: Freakin' hilarious. For the first time in my life, I nearly almost peed myself because I was laughing so hard at a movie. I actually got so tired of laughing by the end that I nearly felt like turning it off because I didn't want to laugh any more. However, the in-between skits were, as usual, a bit on the lame side. But that can't detract from the overall hilarity.

The Score:

Royale With Cheese

(P.S. I was very tempted to use a picture of the creepy sales dude holding a Sham Wow from the Sham Wow commercials for my picture... but I didn't).

Short Review: Hamlet 2.

Premise: In an effort to save his department from being removed from the system, drama teacher Dana Marschz hopes to inspire his new 'ethnic' class and everybody else by putting on a controversial sequel to Hamlet.

Starring: Steve Coogan, Catherine Keener, David Arquette, and Elizabeth Shue.

My Reaction: I liked how it tried to parody inspirational teacher movies, as I love those. However, it often tried way too hard. I laughed maybe two or three times in the whole movie. The rest was just way too silly or over-the-top. The best acting (and character) was from Joseph Julian Soria, the main "troublemaker" kid. The movie wasn't bad. I just wasn't blown away by it. The best part, of course, was "Rock Me Sexy Jesus," but that scene had been advertised and played up so much that its comedic effect had worn off by the time I actually saw the film. Alas, the issues of using your best jokes to sell a comedy.


Stop Saying Okay! Okay.