THE SPIRIT.

Oh, God… I don’t even know where to begin. I’m not even going to bother with a plot summary, because I just saw it and even I don’t know (or care).

This movie was bad. Really bad. Horribly, horribly bad. I didn’t even want to see it, really, but one of my friends called me up last night, and she was feeling bored and a bit down, so she dragged me out to see this movie (even against my warnings of low ratings). There were only about 4 other people in the theater. 2 minutes in, and I’m staring at the screen like “What the hell is this? Please don’t tell me she’s liking this.” About 10 minutes later, she turns to me and says “This is the worst movie I’ve ever seen in my entire life.” And from there, the movie experience was heavenly.

We totally MST3K’d this bad boy. And I don’t even think the others in the theater cared, either, because they laughed along with us half the time (I mean, we weren’t doing it super loud or anything, but it occasionally dipped into ‘hearable’). If I had seen this movie alone, I might have even walked out for the first time in my life. But since she was with me to experience it and riff on it, it made this literally one of the funniest movies of the year.

I can’t even pull out samples of what was bad. Just pick any of the 103 minutes and there you go. The only good parts I’d say were Jaime King as Lorelei the glowing face of death, which probably made up about 1 minute (maybe 2, as she does have a little chunk of time toward the end) of the whole film. Oh, and the women were hot.

But everything was terrible. The dialogue, the constant monologue to NOBODY (even the CAT walked away), the acting, the story, and even the visuals. With Sin City, the color scheme was used artistically. In this movie, it was used randomly and with no real rhyme or reason. The movie was meant to be cheesy, but it didn’t work at all like, say, Speed Racer did. But I do admit that it will be a nice quotable movie like Napoleon Dynamite… except, you know, Napoleon Dynamite was actually good and re-watchable.

I’ll just end it here. This movie was just plain awful. It’s only watchable if you’re with friends (at least one) that you can sit there and riff on it with. And there’s so much to work with, too, that it’s just ridiculous. It’s like Frank Miller took a third of the cast from an asylum, a third from hobos on the street, and the last third from anywhere and just made them drunk. Some of the cast probably a mix of the three (just see the mud pit fight between The Spirit and The Octopus toward the beginning for further proof). But once he had that drunken, crazy cast, he paused every 30 seconds and asked “Okay, how can we make this movie as terrible as possible?” The result was The Spirit. I don’t know how to rate this movie. I’m just going to rate it on the quality of the film, not the entertainment value that my friend and I personally made from it. I still have no idea what I watched.

She's Gone From Suck to Blow!

Short Review: Nightwatch.

Premise: A law student takes a job as a night guard at a morgue, and he starts to notice odd things happening. Meanwhile, a serial killer continues his streak of murder.

Starring: Ewan McGregor, Nick Nolte, Josh Brolin, Patricia Arquette, Lauren Graham, and John C. Reilly.

My Reaction: How can a movie with such a cast be so… bland? The first half is pretty good with some decent suspense/spookiness, but if you’ve had any experience with any thriller ever, you know that the person being set up as the killer is so freaking obvious it can’t be him, which takes away all the mystery (because you then know who it has to be). And because of that, along with the second half of the movie, everything turns into a venture into the non-logical and plot holes. I would rate it pretty average, and I can’t understand how it has such an above-average score on imdb. And I only rate it as high as I do because of some pretty entertaining scenes early on, some particularly creepy moments, and some good acting from Josh Brolin in particular.

Stop Saying Okay! Okay.

THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON.

When in most films with a gimmick, if you take the gimmick away and just have the story play as normal, the movie would be boring. The case with this movie is half and half. During the backdrop of Hurricane Katrina, a young woman (Julia Ormond) reads a diary to her dying mother, which tells the story of one Benjamin Button. Benjamin Button (Brad Pitt) was born old and grows young as his life goes on. His father Thomas (Jason Flemyng) abandons him thinking him some kind of monster, and he’s adopted by a young black woman named Queenie (Taraji P. Henson), who runs an old folks’ home. But when Benjamin meets a young girl named Daisy (Elle Fanning, Madisen Beaty, Cate Blanchett), he immediately falls in love. The movie tells the story of their lives when they’re both with and without each other, with one getting older and the other younger.

Let me first discuss my opening statement. There were times when the movie’s story was so captivating that it would have been interesting with or without the reverse aging in play. But the other half of the time, the plot relied heavily on that idea. To make a long story short, the story was good, but it was really long with some parts that were probably unnecessary and could have been cut out. I was really into the movie most of the time, though. But during the last hour or so (maybe more like thirty minutes), I was really looking down at my watch, wondering how much longer the movie had. And a lot of what could have been cut came from the beginning of the movie, as it really was a slow start getting to the main plot of the story (though there really isn’t a plot, honestly. It’s more of a character study).

And the acting was good overall, especially with Brad Pitt (who I think is good in just about anything). But the most curious part of all dealt with the ages of the characters as the movie went on and how they looked amongst each other in correspondence to how old they should have looked. Now, it would take a lot more concentration on my part to really nit-pick at that, so I’ll leave that be. But there was one thing about the acting that I really didn’t like, and that was Cate Blanchett’s narration as an old woman. I could hardly understand a word she said, and she would always narrate important parts of the story, which upset me as I only understood half of what she was saying. And there is one age discrepancy I’d like to bring to attention, which is the young Daisy. When she’s first introduced, imdb has her listed as 7, though she’s played by a 10-year-old and talks like she’s older. And then toward the end of the movie, during some voice-over narration, there’s a mention of how she would have been about 5 when she first met Benjamin, and that threw me off completely.

And speaking of more visual aspects, and with Daisy, there was another discrepancy that bugged me. Benjamin makes note of how he’ll never forget Daisy’s bright blue eyes, and he repeats that a few times at the beginning. And Elle Fanning had these gorgeous bright blue eyes. But throughout the movie, Daisy’s eyes are continually changing color. The Daisy played by Madisen Beaty looked like her eyes were nearly brown, and Cate Blanchett’s eyes would go from pale blue to light blue. With all the money spent on Benjamin’s looks, they could have least thrown a few dollars in for some contacts. Though on the more positive side, the visuals were excellent. The older Benjamin (in looks) reminded me of the CGI from the Final Fantasy movies with such attention to detail. But the visual effects that blew me away the most weren’t of the older Benjamin, but of the younger. The way they made Brad Pitt look so young made even the similar process at the beginning of X-Men 3 look shabby.

But my favorite moments of the movie were the smaller moments. First, the man who had been struck by lightning and all his stories. Those had my audience laughing, and I thought they were a fun touch. But my favorite part in the entire movie was the brief segment around the middle of the movie, I suppose it was, when Benjamin tells a story of intersecting lives and how changing one thing could have changed everything, so therefore how every little action causes a greater reaction. I really loved that scene, and it really stuck with me during and after the film.

I really don’t see how people are comparing this to Forrest Gump (I guess that’s just for people who haven’t actually seen it), as I don’t think they’re anything alike at all. Not to mention that, technically, Benjamin Button was written first. I had no idea until the credits that it was based on a short story by F. Scott Fitzgerald. But then again, who the heck knows anything about what F. Scott wrote outside of The Great Gatsby. So the movie does have some faults, but it is an all-around great movie and great experience, especially during all the scenes with Katrina raging in the background, when you know what’s going to happen, even if the characters don’t (dramatic irony!). But anyway, I’d recommend the film. Another Brad Pitt success.

A Keanu 'Whoa'

DVD Review: Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog.

So I saw this when it came out for free on the internet a while back, but the DVD was just released (exclusively through Amazon), and I just got in my copy, and I’ve been watching it all afternoon. For those of you who don’t know, Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog is Joss Whedon’s (of Buffy, Angel, and Firefly/Serenity fame) newest venture into the cult fan base. It stars Neil Patrick Harris as Dr. Horrible, an up-and-coming super-villain who just wants to make it into the Evil League of Evil. He posts up blogs on the internet that portray his life of crime, his crush on fellow Laundromat companion, Penny (Felicia Day), and how the overly cheesy Captain Hammer (Nathan Fillion) continues to ruin his life. Oh, and it’s a musical.

The ‘movie’ itself is only about 40 minutes long, but it feels like a full-blown film in how it really just pulls you in with its characters and story. You root for Dr. Horrible, even though he’s evil, and you loathe Captain Hammer, even though he’s technically the superhero. It just shows, yet again, the amazing writing of Joss Whedon.

And the music itself is incredibly catchy and all really good. My personal favorite is “Brand New Day,” but everybody has their own. And boy can they all sing, including Neil Patrick Harris. He has an amazing voice. Felicia Day does, as well. Nathan Fillion is the weakest, but that doesn’t matter, because it’s Nathan Fillion. He’s awesome in everything. Not to mention the cheesiness factor of his character offsets any care about his singing ability (it’s not bad, mind you. It’s just no Neil Patrick Harris).

But why buy the DVD when you can watch it online for free, you ask (and legally)? Well, for one, most of the online copies you can find are poor quality and the audio is off from the video. Oh, and you have to watch all three Acts separately (unless you somehow download them and merge them together with an editing program). But then there’s all the special bonus features on the DVD that are so worth it. Besides the behind-the-scenes featurettes, which are always fun, you have (fan) audition videos for the Evil League of Evil, wherein all but about 2 of them (and there’s 30 minutes worth) are musicals themselves.

And then there are TWO commentaries. And you might be asking… two commentaries for a 40 minute movie? What’s the point? Well, one of the commentaries is a musical! Yes, you heard me right. They recorded a whole other slew of songs that span the entire movie—commentary style. There’s a couple that could have used some work, honestly, but then there are some really good ones that rival even some of the songs in the movie. The topics range from the writer’s strike to how the cast feels about each other to why certain actors took certain roles and how they felt about that. And it’s really a whole new experience from the movie itself. In fact, you can watch the 40 minute movie, and then turn on the musical commentary and watch it over again, and then you’ll have a full-length feature… sort of.

But anyway, I really recommend this DVD, especially if you’re a fan of one of the following: superheroes, super-villains, musicals, Neil Patrick Harris, Nathan Fillion, Joss Whedon, blogging, horses, freeze rays, laundry, or frozen yogurt. So yeah… go get it. It’s only available through Amazon, though. But it’s worth it.

Royale With Cheese

2 In 1: Knocked Up and Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

So I saw Forgetting Sarah Marshall (a long time ago, actually… as this review has been sitting on the shelf for a while, so to speak), and I knew I’d have to put the review in with a 2 In 1, but couldn’t figure out the other movie to do it with. But then I finally decided to pair it up with another Judd Apatow film (and both including Jason Segel, Paul Rudd, and Jonah Hill... and possibly others), Knocked Up. And both films seem to be a little overrated. And, it seems that both are the best when the smaller characters are on screen, including Paul Rudd. So let me first start with the older of the two, which I’ve seen numerous times and have just gotten around to formally reviewing.

Knocked Up.

The best way to describe Knocked Up is to give a quote by Paul Rudd’s character within the movie: “Marriage is like that show Everybody Loves Raymond, but its not funny. All the problems are the same, but, you know instead of all the funny, pithy dialogue, everybody is really pissed off and tense.” And the movie is quite similar… sometimes it’s funny, but most of the time, it’s just a bunch of really pissed off people and tense moments.

Ben Stone (Seth Rogan) is a stoner loser. Alison Scott (Katherine Heigl) is a successful TV reporter who just got a promotion. Going out to celebrate with her sister Debbie (Leslie Mann), Alison goes clubbing and has a drunken night of fun with Ben, resulting in sex, which leads to the inevitable pregnancy that the film revolves around. So the rest of the film showcases the relationship between the two, as well as juxtaposing the relationship between Debbie and her husband Pete (Paul Rudd).

Now, to go back to my opening, there’s a lot of situational comedy that presents itself, even in the concept (stoner loser gets successful woman pregnant, and both are forced to cooperate in order to be there for the baby). But what happens throughout the film is mostly uncomfortable, tense scenes full of fighting, pissed-off people.

But the best parts of the film are those with the supporting cast, or even the tiniest of cameos or roles: Paul Rudd, Jason Segel, Jay Baruchel, Joanna Kerns, Harold Ramis, Alan Tudyk, Kristen Wiig, Bill Hader, Ryan Seacrest, James Franco, and Ken Jeong… among others. Seriously, my favorite part of the entire movie isn’t even in the movie. In the extended/deleted scenes, you can see the full, uncut version of Ken Jeong’s Dr. Kuni scene. That had me laughing so hard, much more than any of the rest of the movie did. The best part of the actual movie was Paul Rudd’s ‘chair’ scene in Las Vegas. And not even the whole scene itself including Seth Rogan’s ranting, but simply Paul Rudd’s tiniest movements or words (“It tastes like a rainbow!”). Hell, even Paul Rudd and Leslie Mann’s kids in the movie (which I believe are actually Leslie Mann and Judd Apatow’s kids) were entertaining.

As for the others, specifically Katherine Heigl and Seth Rogan, I just had difficulty caring… moreso with the former. It’s hard to care about a budding romance when you can’t stand one of the two. I mostly couldn’t stand Katherine Heigl for the majority of the movie and thought she was pretty much a bitch. The times when she didn’t get on my nerves and was actually likable were few and far between, such as when she’d sit on the couch looking for nudity in a movie for Ben’s website. Though I’m not saying Seth Rogan’s character was a saint, either, but at least he had personality outside of ‘stick-up-the-butt’.

So yeah, there were good moments, there were funny moments, but the majority just didn’t work for me. The movie is a romantic comedy. But when you can’t stand one or both of the pair in the romance, and the movie is more about being tense and fighting over being funny, it basically fails at its job. It does live up to the Judd Apatow degree, but I’m just not with everybody who says it’s his best work and much better than 40-Year-Old-Virgin and Superbad. It’s good, yeah… but it’s not great.

I Am McLovin!

Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

So I finally got around to seeing Forgetting Sarah Marshall. It was about what I thought it would be. Peter Bretter (Jason Segel) was just broken up with by long-time girlfriend and famous TV actress Sarah Marshall (Kristen Bell), the show for which he writes music. After some random advice given to him by his step-brother Brian (Bill Hader), Peter decides to go to Hawaii to try and forget about his ex instead of moping around and having meaningless flings. Though when he gets there, he discovers that Sarah is also there, along with her new boyfriend, British rock superstar Aldous Snow (Russell Brand). Fortunately, a nice employee by the name of Rachel (Mila Kunis) tries to cheer him up, though Peter starts to get closer to her than he first expected.

The movie had a lot of funny moments, most of which were thanks to some of the smaller, more underused roles. Paul Rudd and Jonah Hill’s underused characters were great, more specifically Rudd’s (Hill’s whole subplot was nearly pointless). And then there was the newlywed couple with sexual difficulties who were pretty funny (“Christ is between your legs!” had to be the funniest line in the film). But for me, the guy who stole almost every scene he was in was Russell Brand as Aldous Snow. Everything he said was just plain funny, mostly because of how he said it in his very nonchalant kind of way.

But the movie did have quite a few dragging moments. It could have been trimmed down quite a bit. The beginning of the movie, before he gets to Hawaii, seems like it takes forever to get through. I wanted to get to the story already, but there were more and more scenes of him just moping around and crying. Then he finally gets to the island and does more moping around and crying. I know the movie was called Forgetting Sarah Marshall, and the point was him trying to get over her, but I think we got the point after the 30^th fetal-position crying scene. And, though I think he’s a fun actor, Jonah Hill’s whole part in the movie could have been trimmed down a bit, too. The only reason I think he might not have been was due to him, for whatever reason, being in just about every plot-important scene in the movie. I mean, I don’t know if it’s some unspoken rule that every Judd Apatow-linked film has to be at least two hours long, but they should really work on that a bit.

I really don’t have much else to say about the film. When it wasn’t dragging or unnecessary, I thought it was funny and entertaining (which it was, more often than not). I’d totally watch it again.

A Keanu 'Whoa'

SEVEN POUNDS.

When I saw the trailer for this, I thought it looked really good. However, as I was going into the movie, I still didn’t know what I was going to be seeing. Unfortunately, I still didn’t know what I was seeing until about halfway into the movie. Ben Thomas (Will Smith) is supposedly an IRS Agent going around doing a bunch of really big favors for seven different strangers, and for reasons unbeknownst to the audience. The first we meet is a blind man named Ezra (Woody Harrelson), who Ben is a complete jackass to. But then we come across Emily Posa (Rosario Dawson), a young woman with congenial heart disease. The relationship between Emily and Ben builds until they become more romantically linked. But Ben still has his mysterious mission to complete, even if it’s now become slightly complicated.

Let me start off by saying I thought the film was really good. I enjoyed it quite a bit. However, it tries to be too much of a mystery to the point where you really have no idea what’s happening… ever. Is Ben really the douche he seemed to be within the first ten minutes? Why is he helping these strangers? How are they connected? Or are they? Is he really helping them out, or is it part of something greater? What the hell is his plan, anyway? Everything about it is spoken in such ambiguous terms, it was almost like hearing “You know that plan about that thing we talked about that one time at that place? Well, it’s the next one’s turn now in the process of the thing I’m doing which you know of because of our history together… you know, because we know each other from sometime back in the day.” There were really moments where the movie almost felt like it was going out of its way to stay mysterious. Though the second it shows one of the first flashback glimpses of what occurred, everything snaps together and the movie becomes easier to follow. But this is two-fold, because this moment happens at the middle of the film (or so). So you’ve just gone through the first half of the film shrouded in confusing mystery, but now you’re going through the last half of the film with everything easily figured out.

However, those were really the only issues I had, and they really didn’t bother me all that much. I’ve read other reviews stating things like the movie is very slow moving, or it’s overly sappy or whatever. I didn’t have any of these issues. I felt that maybe the first 10 or 15 minutes or so were a bit confusing, especially in trying to figure out what kind of person Ben Thomas is (douche or saint?), but besides that I didn’t find it slow moving at all. And there’s some romance in there, and there’s a lot of heartfelt moments (no pun intended) that add up, but I didn’t think it was overwhelming at all.

In fact, Will Smith has shown once again that he can carry a movie. He did a very fine acting performance here. You never know what’s going on in his head, but you can always tell how conflicted or sorrowful or happy or whatnot he is just by looking at his face. He really dug himself into the character. The same with Rosario Dawson, too, who really showed that pain of not being able to live her life to the fullest because of her heart condition. But the one person I want to give the shout out to here is Woody Harrelson. He’s not in the movie very much, but he’s always a presence in the back of your mind, and I think that says something about how he pulled off the character. I constantly wanted to see what was going to happen next with his character, and he’s really only in the movie about 3 times, each time less than 5 minutes.

So besides some editing (or possibly writing) issues, I thought the movie was very good. It does tug at the emotions. It makes you happy when you’re supposed to be, sad when you’re supposed to be, and even uncomfortable when you’re supposed to be. I think that says something about the actors and actresses, because it was really all about the acting once you got the story figured out.

I Am McLovin!

LKMYNTS: I'm A Cyborg, But That's OK.

So I’ve wanted to see this movie for a very long time, and I finally got around to doing so. Though this movie is incredibly hard to come by (even outside the US), so finding a way to watch it was that much more difficult. But it was written and directed by Chan-wook Park, the same guy who did one of my favorite movies, Oldboy. However, it couldn’t be any more different (including the fact that Oldboy was an action/drama, and this is a comedy… for the most part, anyway).

I could attempt to give you a plot summary here, like I usually would, but that’s incredibly difficult for one major reason: there’s really no plot. The best I can describe it is thus: Young-goon (Su-jeong Lim) is a young woman who loses touch with reality after her schizophrenic grandmother is taken away (basically leaving her in the care of her overprotective mother). Young-goon, highly affected by her grandmother's fate, also seems to gain schizophrenia and suddenly believes she’s a cyborg, and she makes a promise to her mother not to tell anybody about it (so they couldn’t keep her locked up). Well, they put her in an insane asylum wherein she talks to electronics and meets a young man by the name of Il-soon (Rain), who is a thief that wears different masks in order to take people’s souls (and, in essence, their mental disabilities). But when Young-goon refuses to eat any food in fear of breaking down, Il-soon takes it upon himself to try and get her to eat before she starves to death.

But with a movie that is just shy of two hours long, that miniscule plot really doesn’t stretch itself over the whole time frame. No, what the movie really banks on is its cast of characters. The whole movie is more of a character study than a plot-driven tale. All of the other asylum inmates each have their own mental issues (obviously), most of which get their own moments to shine. And it’s really the attention to detail that this movie really pulls through. The camera can be just steadily going down a hallway or through a courtyard, and in the background you see each character doing their own thing and staying perfectly in character, even if they’re not even remotely close to being the focus of the scene.

But of course the two main characters are those of Young-goon and Il-soon, who form the almost heartbreaking romance (heartbreaking because of the circumstances) of the film. To me, Rain stole the show as Il-soon. Whether he was hopping around like a rabbit (and digging out his wedgies immediately after), stealing other people’s ‘souls’ and taking over their character traits, fidgeting with his masks, or earnestly trying to help Young-goon stay alive, he was really the most interesting character of the entire movie. And what I really loved about both the characters is that there were a lot of hints as to what happened to both of them in their pasts to bring them to this point, but it’s never just spelled out for you. And there’s always that hint of sadness linked in with the comedy. And that’s really the genius of Chan-wook Park, because if you’ve seen Oldboy, you know that his movies are very psychological and never only one layer deep.

Though this really brings me to one of my only issues with the movie: sometimes it tried a bit too hard to give another metaphor (because truly, the movie was nothing but metaphors and symbolisms). You know that everything is fake and all the fantasy elements are just happening in their heads, but there were moments I felt didn’t need to be in the movie and could have been trimmed down a bit. They were few and far between, but they were there. Because a movie with so little plot—as well as the fact that the first half of the film and the second half of the film don’t really match up in what’s been focused on (the other patients all but disappear in the last third of the movie)—doesn’t need to be almost two hours long. Other than that, the movie was golden.

At first I also really disliked the ending. It ends, and I’m staring at the screen like “what the hell?” But after a couple minutes to digest it and think about it, the more brilliant it became to me (and this was before I read about a part I actually didn’t catch, which just adds to its brilliance). It’s a lot like Oldboy’s epilogue, to me. I didn’t much care for that at first, either. But both endings are very open-ended, leaving you up to so many different interpretations. And I really don’t want to spoil anything (so if you’ve seen the movie, leave a comment so we can discuss it).

I also wanted to talk about the visuals and cinematography of the film, which were just beautiful. There’s a lot of use of color pallets all around. The movie is just very bright and colorful and really gorgeous to watch. The only iffy visuals were the CGI moments during the cyborg fantasy with the guns. Otherwise, it looked really good. And the camera work was great, as well. There were a lot of interesting shots with mirrors, and there were some good long-shots down hallways and such (nothing as epic as the side-scrolling battle in Oldboy, though).

Really, my last notes about this film are that you can’t go into it expecting your brain to function properly. Most people who have disliked the movie have straight-up said they disliked it because it didn’t make any sense. Well, after the brilliant opening 10 minutes (confusing at first, brilliant in hindsight) that basically foreshadow the fact that nothing can be taken logically or at face value, you should know what you’re getting yourself into. It’s a movie about crazy people, and you’re going to be submersed into their world fully. The best I can describe it is that it’s like at the end of that Robin Williams movie, What Dreams May Come: the guy says not to stay in the house too long or he’ll start to lose his mind and go crazy, too. Well, the longer you stay with the movie, the crazier you have to think in order to keep up with the utter randomness and chaos of the film. But in the end, the movie is really beautiful and touching… if you can understand it.

A Keanu 'Whoa'

Short Review: Blood & Chocolate.

Premise: A female werewolf in Bucharest falls for an American graphic novel artist. However, the leader of the pack also has a thing for her, and doesn’t like that she wants somebody else.

Starring: Agnes Bruckner, Hugh Dancy, Olivier Martinez, Bryan Dick.

My Reaction: The acting wasn’t terrible. The story wasn’t terrible, though starting to get very old and overused now (think Twilight, but primarily with werewolves instead of vampires… yes, I know there are werewolves in Twilight, but that’s why I said primarily. So in other words, it’s much more animalistic than flowy/showy/pretty). The romance could have been more believable, though. The special effects were very basic. The werewolves themselves were simply wolves (like… real wolves). So no costumes, (blatant) animatronics, or CGI was needed, though the transformation special effects were cheesy. Some decent suspense, too. All in all, not a good movie… not a terrible movie.

Stop Saying Okay! Okay.